Learning To Fall In Love Again

thursday and friday, our youth group had a winter retreat and the theme was “learning to fall in love again”.

at first, i honestly was thinking we would talk about stuff we already talked about before…i mean, i already knew some of the things we had talked about, but it just hit me again…or reminded me….i guess why the theme included the word, “again” in it.

so, anyway…this is basically my testimony…which i would have shared at the retreat, but when i go up to the front, i just forget everything and i end up not being able to express what i feel.

i used to say “i love You, God” and i just felt like i loved God already or i was an amazing Christian. i mean, not really an amazing one, but i used to think myself a better Christian than others…but then i’d call myself humble at times. i guess i can be humble, but deep down, i think myself better. i was so wrong. i was able to realize that the way i was living, was not out of love for God…it was rather like, “hey God, you make my life full of your blessings and i’ll go to church occasionally, i’ll praise You sometimes, and i’ll sometimes glorify Your name, as long as it doesn’t cut into my time of watching dramas, or facebooking, or hanging out with friends.”  doesn’t that seem wrong? i mean, youre asking God to make your life great, without even loving Him with everything you have.

during the retreat, we talked about the the prodigal son/father. i’m pretty sure whoever is reading this might or might not know it..but if you don’t…look up luke 15:11 and read the section on the parable of the lost son. these were basically my notes from the sermon…

-prodigal: recklessly extravagant consummer

-to fall in love with the father, know the love of the father.

-the father RAN to his son. back then, rich people with servants didn’t run…so running to his son expresses his unconditional and overflowing love even after the son had done something wrong. the father is even waiting for his son’s return for many years (shown in verse 20).

-he loves him too much to care that he’s unworthy or has committed a wrong, and rejoices in his son’s return.

-he puts the robe OVER the son…cover him and his ragged clothes and shame.

-the father comes out to hug his son, not his servants.

-the second son complains and asks why he hasn’t received such gifts like his brother even after slaving for his father. (v. 28-30) ask yourself: why are you slaving for God? we ask “how come i’ve been slaving for You…becoming praise leader, coming to church, but yet that person who’s been partying and not even coming out to church has been receiving Your love?” but why have YOU been slaving for God? to be rewarded to because You love Him?  we tend to forget to love him and think of ourselves as slaves to God through personal accomplishments.

other notes:

-do you love God as something abstract, or like how you would love your family, friends, or boyfriend?

-true love: constantly having God on your mind and always thinking God to be next to you or with you.

-you can’t become a disciple of God unless you become a lover of God.

-if you love Jesus, you have to be ready for the world to hate you…if you’re not ready, you’re not ready to love Jesus.

before we were doing the candlelight prayer, we were singing a song…but i can’t remember at the moment what the song was….i have it on the tip of my tongue, but i can’t get it out…so if youre reading this and remember…PLEASE tell me. hah because this would be so much better to explain as to why i started crying during the song….there was something about the lyrics. so, until i remember the song, i’ll just move on to the next part…prayer.

i began praying for my heart to be changed and for me to have the desire, yearning, passion to be with God and to love God. i heard everyone in the room praying and even the younger kids were crying and asking God to come into their lives. i was so thankful for that. i was so thankful that even at a young age, they were seeking to be with God seeking to love Him even more. it just broke my heart to think that i wasn’t able to show a good example of what it means to love God. i began praying “God, i know i’m so unworthy, i dont even deserve to be loved by You…i mean, look at the way i’ve been living my life. i haven’t been loving You, i haven’t been putting You first, i haven’t been praising you whole-heartedly…i’m just so unworthy and worthless”. but then, james spoke out saying how God doesn’t care how unworthy you are, he’ll love you unconditionally and whole-heartedly and with everything He has. it was amazing how JUST as i was praying about my worthlessness, i was reminded of how amazing God’s love is.  i mean, isnt that just amazing?! i was just so heartbroken but yet happy and awed by the fact that God still loves me. isn’t it weird how its easy to love a sinful human being, but not love such an amazing God who loves you to death?! i mean, literally…he gave his son to DIE on the cross because he loves us so much! i know this sounds cliche, but i really do mean it. it’s just so amazing. i just can’t stop thinking about it. it just makes me want to love him even more. i realized how i was so repentant during synod and promised to love him and live a life of glorifying God, but yet…i had times where i didnt even do that. i mean, sometimes i would, but it would be so half-hearted. i really hope this wasn’t some emotional thing, but a true yearning to love God and to receive love from God. i mean, just seeing how much he loves me…i really want to love Him again. im just so thankful that i was able to go to the retreat and experience God’s love again.

Here I Am To Worhsip

pretty much just came back from the Christmas Eve Candlelight service at church and i have things to be thankful for…even though i dont show it…..

-im just really thankful of our youth group and youth pastor! although i dont verbally say it, i tend to criticize a lot about our youth group or just church…..but honestly, i wouldn’t be who i am today without attending our church or meeting the people i have met.

-we did a Christmas musical for the children at our church tonight, and it just really makes me happy when i hear the kids in the audience saying “whoa!” and just laughing. they’re probably still too young to completely understand everything, but im glad they enjoy it!

-during the praise, we sang the song “here i am to worship”…the praise was pretty much in english, and so most of the parents didn’t really sing loud i guess XD but yeah, so the praise team played “Jesus Messiah” and “O Holy Night” also…which arent really songs that i think the congregation knew TOO well in english, but when we sang “here i am to worship”, i pretty much heard EVERY child singing it…the loudest. i was just sooo amazed. just hearing them above all the parents singing “here i am to worship”. i dont know why….but i just get so moved when i see a young generation being worked in by God. PRAISE GOD!

lyrics.

so, our youth group is doing a Christmas musical for the younger kids tomorrow on Christmas Eve and there’s a song we’re doing called “let us love”. i usually love all the musical songs we do each year because they’re so fun to dance and sing to, but when i was listening to the cd one day in the car, the lyrics said “and if anyone doesn’t show by his deeds, how can God’s love be in him?” wow…pretty intense for a children’s musical, right? i mean, wow…i was completely amazed at the message of the song. i didnt even look into this stuff until like this year O_O but i LOVE the fact that they included such an eye-opening message in a children’s Christmas musical!

 

thought i’d share something different from my other posts….

really liking this song lately…so pretty!

hmm…

have my blogs been sounding depressing or what?!

just on a happy note….aside from all this dk;fkadkgjad going on…that i’ve been posting….

these days, i’ve really been trying to start the day off by saying, “whatever obstacle comes my way today, REJOICE in the LORD and trust in Him.”

seriously, it helps! because these past two weeks that i’ve been doing that, my life has gotten SOOO MUCH BETTER! but that’s not the ONLY key to happiness….of course….READ THE BIBLE and KEEP YOUR FAITH because GOD LOVES YOU! HOW COULD YOU NOT BE HAPPY?! right?

TT__TT

today was such a bad day……

i feel like im so unlucky…like i see all these kids getting away with the things i get in trouble for…..i mean, i dont think i even should be getting in trouble…but some teachers…..man….

so, like basically the first week of school, i’m late on late-start wednesday….and i use a free pass….

then the next week, im late again, and i get another one…and apparently you’re not allowed to use more than one free pass per semester…and I, because a FRESHMAN was unaware of that….and nobody even told me about the rules….i thought you were allowed three free passes (or so i’ve been told…). so, a couple days later, the administrator calls me in and tells me i have detention hours…for using two free passes. i mean, c’mon….i know the school has rules, but i’m a freshman and i had no idea what the rules were regarding free passes and nobody even informed the rules of free passes. so, i went to talk to mr wilson (the main guy who does detention and all that stuff)…but he said that i should’ve known, because apparently he’s been saying that everyday in the E2 room and asking each student before giving them one, “have you already used a free pass before?”, but the time i got my second free pass, the lady was handing them out, and she wasn’t asking that before giving them away…so i thought i could use it (because, i didnt know the rules at the time)….and i told the administrator about it, but she didnt believe me and added onto my referral, “not being truthful.” gah, i seriously felt like crying. i’m such a baby, but seriously?! this is just…..ghjkladjasjflasd.

THEN, one day, on my way to P.E., i realized that i left my gym clothes in my school locker for like the 4th time, and so i went back to my locker to go get it because i didnt want to bother my teacher again by asking her if i can go get my gym clothes again. but i end up having to go to E2 for two whole periods….i mean, i guess this one is sort of understandable as to why i was sent to E2…but i kind regret going back to my locker…i should’ve just asked my friend to borrow her shorts and shirts that she always has with her….so stupid ><

then today…ugh…today was just a horrible day.

i wake up late and we get to school about like 9:25ish? my mom yells at me in the car for being late…(i agree with her on that part ><). so i go into the school and go to the instrument locker room. i figured i would be late if i actually did my combination, open the lock, and put my instrument in…because it takes me forever to do combinations. so i just left it on the floor of the room (like near the wall). so i’m walking..but i was like “oh, what if someone messes with my instrment? (because they like leave the door open to that room now…), so i turn back around and put it in my locker. then i’m walking to my school locker, when i see all these people running…so i start speed walking. and if you dont know spring valley…the fine arts hall is FARRRRR from the lockers…so i’m speed walking..and i’m like 30 steps away from my classroom…the bell rings…i run and i get into the classroom like as SOON as the bell stops, but i was in the classroom. and teachers aren’t supposed to really count you tardy unless you get in like after the bell. and people in the class were telling my teacher that i was in on time and stuff, but apparently shes strict on rules at the school, so she sends me to E2….and i sit there and this guy like kind of kept stalking me and was all like “did you get my oovoo?” and i dont even know how he got my oovoo O_O because its really hard to find people on oovoo unless you have their ID. and he’s like “i’m going home tonight. are you going home tonight? i’ll be on oovoo. let’s webcam tonight.” and this guy has been saying weird stuff to me and other girls since like middle school O_O AND he followed me in E2 and sat next to me….SO, because that was my 4th tardy…i got 6 hours of detention. I HATE GETTING IN TROUBLE! >< ugh….in total, in only the first semester, i’ve had 12 hours in total….for reasons that i dont think i should be getting detention hours for.

and then after that, i had P.E., which was going pretty great…UNTIL i do my pushup test. for girls, you need to do at least 15 pushups to get a 100. and i did 14 pushups….see the thing is, i was at 15, but since the guy already said 15, i stopped…and she said 14? i dont know…its hard to explain…but she told me 14, and i didnt want to argue like everyone else…because then she might call me a liar too. so, i got a 96 /: and some people might be like “what?! thats a good grade…its not like you failed!” but i was so close to getting a 100, if she had counted that one pushup. and that would’ve brought my grade up, because that was the final fitness gram grade. i mean, it’s like….getting a bad grade on something youre totally capable of doing. i was so close to a 100. and i’m probably going to fail that flexibility test tomorrow too. i had a 100, to a 99, to a 97 in that class. and since it’s not advanced PE….it counts as a CP class….which will bring my GPA down even more….plus, i probably look like a horrible student now….everyones been telling me that i’m such a bad student now….>< plus, i’m a freshman…and im scared its going to go on my permanent record and colleges will see that /: they might be like “oh goodness, 12 hours in only the first semester of their freshman year in highschool?!”

sigh….i’m so frustrated, upset, mad, josdjalsfkjsdkasd!

TT____TT

second coming of Jesus Christ

so advent season has started and today the sermon talked about being ready and waiting for the second coming of Jesus Christ.

of course, we will never be able to know the exact date, minute, second, etc, that Jesus will be coming….so better be ready, right?

today, i went in the car ready to go home from church, and 104.7 was on. i listened to one song (uh, don’t know the name, but i think it was by the black eyed peas) and then another song started to play….which was uh kinda bad….so i turned to 89.7. this may sound REALLY small compared to other things….but when the song started to come on…a thought just popped up….“because i don’t know exactly when Jesus’ second coming will be, if he were to come RIGHT NOW as i’m listening to this song, would he be satisified?”

like…what if he were to just stand in front of me, watching me listening to this song full of curse words and bad message? i would be completely embarrassed and ashamed.

now…..what if Jesus came when i was praying or worshipping Him or glorifying Him through my works? i’m sure he’ll be satisfied.

so, i guess all in all…BE READY AND WAITING!

The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.

 

 

this is a wakening call for all us Christians.

call yourself a Christian, live as a Christian.

just thought i’d share..

just a couple songs that make me smile!

am i the only one excited for winter?! i just love the winter time….and jason mraz’s acoustic version of “winter wonderland”!

 

forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever! when DC*B played this at the concert and i was singing along, i didn’ t know when it was going to end. i would be like “forever and ever and ever and ever….” *stop* then he keeps going on. haha

 

one of my favorite songs! =) heh.

 

another one of my favorites!

“How can I keep from singing Your praise? I know I am loved by the King and it makes my heart want to sing!”

spiritual gifts.

wow..you know how i’ve been talking about how i don’t know what my talent or spiritual gift is and how i feel so worthless/useless? i think it’s cool how at early morning prayer, we read a passage on spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12 and 13:1-3). i find how i was feeling so useless and mad at myself last night and then being encouraged by His word, so amazing. God assures me that “…he destributes them [spiritual gifts] to each one, just as he determines” (1 Corinthians 12:11). Later in verses 12-31, it talks about “unity and diversity in the body”. i forgot who said it, but someone this morning was talking about how we tend to make ourselves out to be worthless and useless because we compare ourselves to other. like saying, “because i don’t have that spiritual gift like _____, i’m so useless”. i must admit, i do that a lot. i mean, i’m not sure if degrading myself is so bad though. i mean, because at least i KNOW what i’m doing wrong or just…who i truly am. but i guess its bad of me to always think so negatively about myself…because well i’m God’s creation.

anyway, this passage was so encouraging for me, because i was struggling with it so much. i was so frustrated with the fact that i don’t have a talent or spiritual gift given to me yet, but i KNOW that God has a purpose for me. actually, honestly, i probably will still feel useless and upset at times….and continue to degrade myself…but in the end, everything is taken care of by Him.